What do you think of these thoughts? I got them from a man whom I consider wise...

"Character is being brave -

Daring enougth to walk out of a movie theatre

Daring to say out loud that you are offended by widkedness - right to their (its) face

Daring to say that you're sorry when it is not your fault

Daring to lead your wife, maybe even kicking and screaming, down your path, not hers for good reason

Daring to listen instead of talking

Daring to act instead of talking

Daring to talk - when everybody wants youto shut up

Never sacrifice your character to get an advantage; to justify an action; to win an argument; to be in a place; to win favor.

One slip up, one character mis-step and all my glowing credetials that we work so hard at obtaining are gone..." B.W.K.

So why don't people desire and strive to be righteous and Godly instead of desiring and striving to be a leader and a big name?

Super_____
Part 2

SuperHuman

Imagine you were one of the first two human beings ever created by God. Not only are you very 'close' to the other human (since one of you was made from the body of the other) but you are extremely close to this God who made you. He is present among you, he chills with you and talks with you. Even more he seemingly created a world which you get to live and rule and populate!! And you live in this garden which beauty cannot describe, and where everything you need is provided to the fullest extent. On top of all of this, you both are nake-completely vulnerable-yet there is no shame or embarassment.. Paradise huh??

These are the conditions of the Paradis in which you live... Imagine who you are though... I mean if this Paradise is greater than anything that any person has ever lived and experienced, is it possible that (before this Paradise is lost) the inhabitants, you SuperHumans, are equally as good as this Paradise? Lets say that both of you are, in a way, SuperHuman!!

You are SuperHuman!! What are you like? No better yet, what would you think of us normal people living right here in the Midwest?? I feel like we wouldn't feel as greatr as we try to make ourselves feel. What do I mean??

Well, we are pretty intelligent, seemingly using about 10% of our brains and even more we are just smart because we read a lot and we have an IQ of oh 150!!! Wouldn't this SuperHuman struggle to even be around us because they would use 90% of their brain and without reading or really even trying to think they would have an IQ of about 950!!

Well, we have beautiful spouses (or companions of somekind) that we are committed to and we workout 4 days a week, eat soooo healthy so that when we walk past a mirror we say 'dang, who is that good looking person??' Yet, the SuperHumans are the most pure, beautiful! So pure that any women would be stunned to silence with just laying their sight upon the male SuperHuman and any man would be thrown into confusion on how to just get a glimpse of the female SuperHuman!!

But we get a lot done because it seems important and vital to life, the things we do... Or we relax and do nothing because we know hot to be entertained and how to really live. But the SuperHumans actually do what is important; they actually do konw how to really live...

I wonder what kind of facial expression the SuperHumans would have if they were equivalent with the Paradise they were created in and they had to come down here and see some normal people in the Midwest. It probably wouldn't be one of judgement but of complete surprise by how selfish we are and how we think we are just incredible.

WEll, there are not SuperHumans but... how great are we?? This isn't meant to drive people into the ground because of how horrible or insignificant we are.. I don't know what is menat by this blog... maybe just to think... maybe evenjust to make us laugh the next time we look in a mirror... maybe it is to think about the source of Super... maybe its to say, "We are Super, not by what we do or don't do but by 'who we are'... and 'who we are' is rooted in who made us and in HIM this is Super, through HIM we are Super."

Super_____
Part 1

Superman

Yup, superman is the topic of this blog. That is how I would describe myself - superman! This isn't because of what I have actually done but rather it is a result of the outrageous expectations of being the best at everything I put upon myself...

Why this topic??

It has spawned off of a book I recently read: Elvis is Velvet (or something like that ha)... This blog doesn't serve as a book review site but in this instance it has too to get me back to superman... Although I question and, if I were buying stuff, am not bought by the first 3 1/2 movements of this book, the last 3 1/2 movements of the book I believe I was edified by what they said. Just smack in the middle of this book of movements, there are six pages that were used to to touch a part of me that I haven't let many people touch let alone know about... It was my superman!! For the author of this book it was his superpastor that he talked about but I modified it for me...

Who is this SUPERMAN?

It is the part of me who is the best at everything!! For example, it is the one who can connect with anyone, who can be hard and stern yet gentle and soft in the same breath, who can command attention and captivate 50,000 people while speaking and who finds just as much significance in speaking to 10 jr. highers who won't listen, who will shepherd and incredible, perfect church that builds followers and pursues those interested with incredible balance and at the same time who will never sacrifice a moment with his family, the one who can woooo everyone from every race every school every family every womb to like him the best yet still be unnoticed and humble and meek, it is the one who can still climb back into the athletics and go pro and be big while never having to commit fully to it... This is a little glimpse of my superman! He is pretty expectant and idealistic but what else is there to keep a man driven and determined??

So what is so wrong with this superman?

Well, it seems that my superman was making me feel that if I didn't meet one of those expectations (on top of many others unlisted) I was not making the cut... even more I felt as if I was sinning if I wasn't doing anything and everything that made me be the best person (this best person in my mind was one who's life drive was the relentless pursuit of who God has made me to be. modified from that 'veltey' book pg. 114) I had to be released from this superman so I told him that I just couldn't, I just couldn't be everything to everybody, especially God and he flew off to change the world through someone else. So I let him go and strangly enough, I feel more super now than when superman was with me...

None of this makes sense???

Well, think about this.... It's from reading this book called John, its broken up into chapters and within those chapters are organizational markers (these are supposed to help Christian's remember where certain texts are but many don't use them) called verses. John 3:1-8... in one of those verses there is a phrase 'being born again' and for me I kinda feel like I could imput the word super for born, anyways this is what I was thinking - Being born again (or super again for me, oh this doesn't make Scripture subjective and this isn't claiming that 'super' is the objective choice instead of born, I like born instead) is to lean on the right thing; no longer upon my accomplishments and productivity and 'spirituality' but upon... well if you think you know the answer post a comment... if you want to know my answer, just ask.....

'College Life' or just 'Life'

This week was a hard one at that... but aren't all of my weeks hard, challenging, busy, stretching? Isn't that just who I am or is it just that I am in college.....

Without running a choronological outline of what I have done I will just mention what my week was like (I do this more for my own reflection)and what I can look forward to stretching me next week...

I returned from Thanksgiving break spent with my family whom I cherish yet every transition back to my dorm room is more and more challenging for me.

I dealt with a dozen issues that guys carried back from thanksgiving ranging from having a feast that would have served hundreds to guys who came back from non-existing family's where holiday's are the worst time of year for them.

I organized a married men's panal for 300 guys in my dorm where professors of all ages shared about their marriages with responses from pointed questions.

I completed a paper that should have taken me 12 pages in 16 pages about Paul's theology and Cosmic Christology in Colossians.

I also finished a paper trying to lay out what I believe is one's personal ministry 'calling.'

I spent hours worrying about how to connect with 130 3rd-6th graders about prayer. This was a talk given at a local church as a guest speaker for their children's ministry program.

I poured in rigorous hours memorizing and meditating on Greek grammar and syntactical analysis to spend 25 mintues sweating our answers and scribbling solutions as fast they come to my short term photographic memory.

I also made the library my home for a complete day and night organizing and researching the historicity of the book of Jonah. A large debate took place the following day to reveal if Jonah is historical or not but more to see who did more research.

Oh, I also played in two intense soccer games that stripped my floor's bragging rights away as a result of our last-second lost.

There is a church pursuing my fiance and I. I had to put together a contract for them laying out what I believe will be resonable responsibilities for us if we were to take the job next year. I packaged this up into a neatly formatted one page document hopefully revealing exactly what we believe to be resonable expectations.

A group that I am in is redoing/reconstructing our prayer chapel here on campus. This week we painted all of the walls and moved in all of the new furniture. We also planned out what other features to the room need to be addressed and changed.

A book was brought to my attention which I inhaled: Messy Spirituality... It has a great message for people like me.

Now a new focus... To transform my floor with 75 other guys into 4 different national parks. Our lobby featuring OLD FAITHFUL from Yellowstone, the south side featuring trees you can drive through, the north side featuring a rope bridge over the Grand Canyon and center featuring snow up to your knees and a sub-zero temperature. Oh, and I am organizing all of it!
(hopefully you who read this can maybe see just a small glimpse into what my life is like. Maybe I am the one who needs to see a glimpse of what my life is like)


Is this normal? Yeah it probably is... anyone reading this could probably insert just as many if not more responsibilities that they accomplished this past week... But how about this. As I type, one word is written on my hand. Only one word finds its importance above all else to actually be written on my hand. I wonder if anyone else has this word on their hand? I wonder if anyone else ever needs to remind themselves of this action?

~SLEEP~
Yes thats it! That is what is written on my hand. That is the one thing that I forget about and that I need to remind myself to do. Now I wonder... is that strange, is that normal!

A 'real' job with a 'real' boss

Let's take construction for example. It is a great job. What I like the most, beyond the hard labor and grusome work, is being able to accomlish what needs to be done. Then when a certain amount of progress for the day is done my boss can say 'quitting time' and there is a sense of satisfactoin; not necessarily on what was actually done but rather on knowing that I helped accomplishs something that my boss found to be satisfactory.

Ministries Miseries and Monuments

This simple observation is what scares me about ministry. I love to study hard and pour my life into relatoinships, hoping to give them, even if it is a little one, a shove in the right direction by letting them have a piece of my life. However, my boss, Jesus Christ, does not give me a quitting time everyday. Instead, sometimes I feel overwhelmed and burdened with the fact that studying the Word and pouring into relationships never quit. (yes call me a wimp for not persevering right?) I walk around eachday trying to fine-tune myself so that maybe, just maybe Jesus will find satisfactory work in me and He will drive me home as I free myself from the worries of life and sit in the passenger seat, warching the sun go down, eating a blue moon ice cream on a huge waffle cone (which he paid for) and laughing with HIm about the stories of the day. ( what a run on sentence huh... this is my blog with my own grammar)

I think it is hard for me to relax because I am not just so worried about being productinve and getting stuff done, I am also so intense and passionate about becoming blameless, more and more each minute. (a seemingly stupid persuit in light of my messy life) All I want is His approval, His words of 'Ok Jesse, stop working, come sit with Me, I'll drive you home.' There is not enought time to accomplish what I feel (so selfish) I should accomplish by serving and working for Him in my limited time. I am compelled to please Christ because of His love and grace on me, just by letting me work for Him. Maybe I need to focus more on the fact that just by Him letting me work for HIm, I already have His favor, His affirmation because He knows I would die working for him? (this term 'work' is in light of the beginning comparision to construction, imput serve if you must!) Maybe how I feel is good and I need to see that His yoke is easy and His burden is light? Maybe this is just how He wired me, to make me want to please Him more? What do you think? Should I have already felt a huge sense of affirmation from Him? Is my idea of Christianity so off-base that I should be in fundamentals of Christianity 101? What do you think?

Selfish or Sacrifice?

I think as a result of this mindset, I almost feel guilty about taking a honeymoon. You probably have no idea where that came from but stay with me. I almost feel that instead of taking a first trip with my wife, a trip that I have dreamed of ever since I could comprehend marriage (which I really still cannot comprehend), I should be putting my time and money someplace else. Instead of taking a trip that would just let us two be together, figuring each other out for the first time in real seperation from our known world, not worrying about where we will stay, or about how much we can spend, and soaking up time together in a place that will serve as our first adventure, I should just save the money, save the experience for other better things (what could be better though huh? I know). I have always dreamed of actually laying around on my honeymoon, walking the shore of the beach with my wife, snorkling into an underwater world that will be new for both of us, and being excited not to have the pressures of life on my shoulders. (no simpathy just read) I would dream of continuing to unveil who I really am through a trip like this.

Uh oh, the question of who am I just came up... I am just me. An easily excitable person who will sacrifice himself to any need that seems remotely justifiably worthy. I am a very normal (average) man who would rather listen for hours to someone and ask questions than talk about his own life (Ironically I am writing a blog about me, this makes me hesitate to write any more for anyone to see). I also like to go off by myself and preach at Jesus my concerns, fears, and seemingly profound thoughts (they are profound not because they were originated from me but because they are small, simple truths that can be oberved in the Word and are talked about everyday. For some reason, when I preach it to God, this truth extinguishes lies and cuts my heart) Maybe I am accurate in giving God what he calls of me (not a honeymoon but workingmoon)? Maybe I have a problem with keeping a few claims for myself and God is saying 'I don't want you to claim anything, I need all claims (Gal. 3:10)'? What do you think> Pretty twisted post huh? Ha! If you have read this far you are my die-hard blog reader, you deserve an award or atleast a Charleston Chew the next time I see you...

Everyday I wake I wonder, what do You (God) want from me today? Is that a bad question? Maybe I just need to read His Word more, and repent... He has been so kind Rom. 2:4...

After a memorable weekend with my dad, my best friend, and his dad in the Porcupine Mountains on the lake shore of Lake Superior, I find myself back in Indiana. The wilderness in the always-changing-face of Superior to the eye-hurting color of the autumn leaves left images that have all but left my mind. Here I can stare at bare trees and browning leaves on the ground yet still find some beauty.

I stepped outside early this morning, I couldn't sleep... To many thoughts that take priority over my sleep (not by choice) woke me up early. The lingering amount of snot in my nose which began on my adventure up north had suddenly dissappeared! The cool air burned sickness away as well as my heavy heart. Encouragement and a strange believe stirred my soul. God's business with me is not just what I can give him; no, God's business with me is to follow Him, trust Him, believe in Him. I am tentative to write this as one can easily insert other purposes just as fitting however, this is my blog and if you want to insert other purposes, post a comment.
After a lecture from Quentin Schultz, a professor from Calvin College, last night, I was reminded that even over-ambishish college kids need some encouragement. He spoke truth to my life and I was reminded that, "oh yeah, that is what I want to do... no specifics needed." People go through phases of life and in the midst of them, we are fine, we are secure. But then, whether we see it or not, the end of one phase is over and a beginning of another is going to take place. This is a trasition time where a crisis happens. This crisis is usually caused by a sense of lost purpose. We find great significance in determining our purpose through our phase of life that when that is stripped away, we go on panic mode. What is funny is how ironic this is? Why?

We have an all-powerful God watching over us. He is the administrator over our lives. He isn't making decisions for us but man, he is right there in the mix of things waiting for us to let Him in. He doesn't command control, he just longs to reveal how great his control can be if we let him have it. What is to worry about? What is to be anxious about? As a phase ends here at Taylor Univeristy (learn, relate, grow, develop, be still) another one awaits be that I am so anxious for I can barely focus. Marriage... there is no fear only anxiousness to enter into another phase, to journey with another person on an adventure that will bring many testimonies of God's faithfulness. If you want to here some already, just ask and I would be glad to share the many faithful events.

In light of all of this, you see a picture of a baby on the top of this posting (well at least you should I don't know if it will work, I am new at this stuff). This is foreshawdowing of what Quinten Schultz mentioned I should do. Go spend some time with some kids. Great advice huh? So I will be venturing up into the lower half of Michigan and spending a day with my three cousins, 10, 8, 5 yrs old respectively. I predict some laughter, some grass stains, and some deep belief...

a porch questioner

My first blog, I feel like I have finally lost the battle of resistance to technology and wasting precious moments on the Internet. In spite of the obligation I will feel to write many new blogs, I have choosen to post ideas, thoughts, and life through my eyes...

May your expectations when reading this be lost, to protect your openness and to protect my vulnerability...

A thought: Why do I feel so great when I see results from service or work? Am I working/serving for results? It may be natural to feel great when results are seen but do I live for results? Do I live to have and see affirmation from people? It seems natural to receive that when I am so desperatley serving people but why then do I serve? Out of obligation? To fulfill people's expectations? Or rather do I serve/work to fulfill the expectations that I have put on myself? What are good expectations to put on yourself? My expectations push me to excellence I believe but what happens when they push me so hard that they are unrealistic as a result I feel failure... Then I lower the expectations and I lose purpose in my life because I am not doing all that I know I can be doing... What expectations do I, as a human being - as a believer of Christ - as a college student - as a passionate man, have? Is it in one pat answer?

Maybe my blogs will just be questions, no thoughts, just questions that I have no idea about so then I can just selfishly gain insight from wise men by simply posting a blog.. if you are a wise man (which would mean you are reading this and you don't really think you are wise) then post a comment to this simple kid who is only seeking excellence...

a porch questioner...